Thursday, March 5, 2009

Back on the blog wagon

Well has been a very long time. I really have no other excuse than that I have been hiding out in my apartment watching reruns of BH 90210 and wallowing in self loathing. You see on November 24, 2008 after 2 years at Giovatto, I got laid off. That's right, I became a statistic...yet again. So I guess it is the shame and embarrassment that has kept me away. I may not have been able to admit it yet to myself how disappointed I was so I was not ready to reveal anything to the rest of the world (or the 3 people that read my blog).
But now I am saying the hell with it. I have nothing to be ashamed of. With people like Bernie Madoff, what the hell am I feeling sorry for? I did nothing to deserve losing my job. I wasn't fired. I merely became an end product of an economic disaster, much like many of my fellow Americans. And I am not hanging my head low anymore. Although I am not holding it high proud to be an American right now either. What I am doing is hoping that someone else out there in my situation reads this and says "Yeah me either! I have nothing to be ashamed of." Because I wonder about all the other people out there that stagger out of bed each morning to face another grueling day of endless job searching and calling in their unemployment claim and dealing with people who say things like "so no new jobs posted?" NO THERE HAVEN'T BEEN ANY NEWS JOBS POSTED SINCE I STILL HAD A DAMN JOB!!! SO DON'T ASK.
Frustration folks, that's what I am getting at. I worry what this lack of jobs could lead to. I wonder about things like will there be a mental illness epidemic? will the suicide rate increase? I wonder if anyone in Congress has thought about that?
The other day I got a notice in the mail saying due to economic stimulus (of which I am convinced there is no such thing) I will be getting an extra $25 a week in my paycheck. WOW!! BFD!! Is that honestly supposed to make me feel better? How about some support, some relief. Instead I have to show up to the unemployment office to listen to some miserable retiree tell me about all that unemployment services there are for me to take advantage of. Oh yes you didn't know? Well there is the training program in case you want to start your own business. Because with a booming economy like this what jobless person wouldn't want to risk it all to go into their own business?? What a great idea!! And if that doesn't strike your fancy, well then you can go back to school to learn something new. Much better idea. Go to school for a few years (again) so you can graduate with another degree in a different field where there are no jobs available. Ugghhh!! You see why I choose 90210 and whatever cereal is on sale that week? Kelly and Dylan actually make me feel less miserable about my life than a trip to the unemployment office. LOL!
And then there are the people who will actually complain to me about their jobs. REALLY? really. Do I need to even go there? Would you complain to a paraplegic that your feet hurt from walking too much? I don't think so. So then why on God's "go green" earth would you complain to me about working late or what an asshole your boss is? I WISH I had that problem. Instead, I get pissed when there is no mail!
Now there are the supportive ones. And I must tip my hat to them. The few, like my husband, who rolls out of bed every morning at 4am. He works his ass of and has not once resented the fact that I am home every day, sleeping late, eating cereal and watching 90210. Lucky for him, I have become quite a domestic goddess. I intermingle my television & cereal schedule with cleaning, laundry, chores, bills, etc. Anything to not feel useless. And there is my mom, who calls every day to make sure I have not yet hung myself. Just kidding. I would never do that. I don't think the ceiling in my apartment would support my weight. I will say, mom can be tough. Every so often asking "what do you do all day?" What the hell do I do all day? Anything to not feel useless. Because at this point even the cats look at me and think "damn woman, get a job!"
Speaking of cats...on of ours died. As if things were not miserable enough. Merv passed away on February 2. I have to admit this was the absolute worst part of being unemployed. It was pretty unexpected and happened suddenly during a trip to the vet. But afterwards I had to go home to a house that was one cat short. There I got to sit jobless, catless, prideless. I now had all the time in the world to think about what had just happened. To replay the scene over and over of my cat having a stress reaction during a routine blood test and dying on the table right in front of me and my husband. My husband who had Merv for 15 years and referred to him as "his buddy". It sounds horrible because it was. Aside from the fact that I am a big time animal lover (see post about about Elmyra)this scene would turn anyone into a pile of mush. I actually had to take a xanax to calm myself and resume breathing at a normal pace. It was that bad and I had plenty of time to sit at home and think and sulk and cry.
So where am I now? Still unemployed, still missing Merv with a house so clean it is not next to Godliness, it is right in his lap. Because hey, I got nothing better to do. Until the government can put there drinks down long enough to realize that an extra $100 a month is not gonna change the fact that I have every commercial memorized, I remain, yours truly, unemployed.

1 comment:

Theresa said...

Gina, I am so sorry about your job loss. When I was laid off in 2000, I went through a lot of what you describe. At the outplacement seminar, they told me that I could expect this to happen to me at least 4 more times in my lifetime. Aside from the usual economic ups and downs in a capitalistic society, there is no longer any loyalty between company-employee. If companies can cut costs by downsizing, they will do it. My last company had a percentage budgeted in every year just for downsizing. Conversely, employees will hop around from place to place for advancement rather than work their way up through the ranks in one firm. Gone are the days when a person worked at one job her whole life and retired at 65. I hope you will find a new job sooner rather than later. Things can't continue to be this bad forever... Anyhow, if you're ever interested in picking up a few $$ babysitting, let me know. My sister moved away, so I don't have anyone to pick A up in a pinch anymore. Theresa